Match Reports (Current Season)

13th January 2018

Ladies 1s

Ladies 1s played Sevenoaks at home today. Having lost to them in the first half of the season 4-0,we were determined to improve our performance.

We played some brilliant hockey as a team and had some good scoring chances. In fact Nicky Vg did score, but the whistle had already gone for a short corner. Mog did some super keeping and Laura some awesome tackling to keep us 0-0 at half time.

Unfortunately they got one in early in the second half and we couldn’t put away our chances. Final score 0-1.

Other things to note-

Fi Pennie wore a silly jacket.

Shrimpie had a lovely side line picnic

I told Philippa to get out of my position…it was in fact her position.

Amy got hit in the head with a stick,no one cared but Mog.

Laura – out and out winner of MoM

Laura – out and out winner of DoD

A great team performance for our first game of 2018 ladies!!

Ladies 2s

L2s continued on from last week to win 2-0 against Thurrock . MOM – Cassie for some great work, DOD – Michelle Twitchett for complaining she never touched the ball…

Ladies 3s

Despite some demon goalkeeping from Sarah and coming out fighting in the second half, it wasn’t meant to be today for the Ladies 3’s. 3-1 to Upminster, but a great goal from Izzy and some top stuff from the youth players. Captain Laura promised we’ll win next week so watch this space.

Ladies 4s

Ladies 4s played Brentwood today! We went one up in the first half so celebrated in style! Unfortunately two short corners in the second half meant they won 2-1 despite some attempts at football saves from Sian and Catriona! We played well though so onwards and upwards!

Men’s 1


Men’s 2s

Hard fought game against 4th from bottom Maldon. We classically went 1-0 down inside the first 5 minutes (though this time first minute) Tehe! We came back into the game, fighting hard and creating chances. We started to use our head to think of ways to stop the opposition, however, Ian Crisp took this too literally and stopped a short corner with his head. His bravery was rewarded as we repelled the second short given against his unorthodox stop. Get well soon Ian!!

After a rousing half time team talk we decided to keep it tight and try and string passes together. We conceded again. Classic. We continued to put pressure on Maldon but couldn’t find the goal to get us back in. The whistle went just as we were about to crack one into the top corner…

Special mention to Yogi for some cracking saves today.

MOM – Ian for heading the ball

POP – Gedas for bagging a yellow on his return

Written by David Stark, edited by me

Men’s 3s

M3’s match report v Maldon 2’s

Unfortunately our infamous bard Biel Schreuder is unavailable to document this one so you’re gonna have to deal with me. (I’ll try and be a bit more diplomatic than my curly haired peer)

As I stepped out of the car, the far from tropical winds of the south east came to greet me- and it is this that I am going to blame for our now-typical losing start to games. Maldon won the ball back from our 16 and punished us with a well executed 1-2. As is now typical of our games we went straight up the other end and scored from an exquisite short corner, well done Jon Sidwell. What is also seemingly typical is that we scored again within the next 5: a well finished 6 yarder from Parv. We continued to dominate and it wasn’t long before Biel was on the scoring end of a fantastic pass by the right-back engine that is Samir Akram. Thus ended the half. 3-1. Half time highlight: oppo keeper managing to almost receive a card for decent then continuing to moan about it very audibly for the duration of the game. Anyway, the game went on and they couldn’t get the ball in our half and you already know how the game went from here on in. Highlights include another clinical finish from Parv and two goals from M3’s very own angel of the north beardy Adam (sorry don’t have your FB). One of these two goals was without hesitation the best finish I’ve ever seen. Running away from goal and deftly squeezed under the incoming keeper from an impossible angle. Madness. Only negative was another goal conceded where GK Tom kicked the ball a grand total of 2 yards into the path of the dogged Maldon striker, who managed to score in the open goal.

Final score 6-2.

MoM- 4 People:

Adam, for his clinical strikers display

Sami, for an all rounded full back performance

Myself (somehow), for providing an option or something?

Imran Arshad for dominating midfield (as per)

PoP- 2 people:

Adam for apparently being satnav incompetent

Tom- don’t quit hockey for football…

To conclude: the 3’s seem to get such a kick from conceding first I think that Oz should definitely do some drills involving conceding very quickly and stupidly, as that seems to be our secret weapon these days.

If it’s stupid but it works, it’s not stupid at all.

Men’s 4s


Men’s 5s

The Men’s 5’s had the graveyard shift at Lee Valley today with a 17:00 pushback against top of the table Wapping. With the pitch schedule running almost 30 mins late, the umpires were keen to get the game started which led to a rather disorganised opening 5 mins as we had players still transitioning from the preceding Otters game. Wapping capitalised and scored fairly early on to go 1-0 up.

The 5’s did start to settle and began to make headway into the Wapping half and despite scoring (sorry, don’t know who) we ended the half 3-1 down.

This was our first game since 02/12 and we did begin to tire second half but we certainly fought for the whole 70 mins. We limited the Wapping team, 150+ subs, coach and supporters (they are sooo frustrating) to just 3 more goals in the second half – so lost overall 6-1.

Thanks to Richard and William Farrow for doubling up today and I have to say, a superb display from young William at centre back was worth an entrance fee.


The Otters gained a very creditable draw against second in the table London Royals. We led at half-time through Mohad’s close-range strike, and despite conceding one early in the second half held on for a 1-1 final score – a very mature all-round performance from a team including only one adult outfield player.

Faith Newland